When there must be a distinct barrier between good, bad, right, wrong, accepted, and rejected; what type of line is best? I was recently asked the question, “if you had a deadline that was supposed to be met by someone else, but they called and said that life, work, and stress had put them behind – they need extra time: Would you allow them the time?” Now I’m not sure it if only happens to me, or if this is a common phenomenon, but when I am asked to respond to a question, a million thoughts might run through my brain. And, while trying to decide how to respond, I must also consider some of these thoughts; because they pertain to the question.
At the time that I should be answering, I also sometimes come up with more questions (which really doesn’t help). In this particular case, I asked myself where should the line be, and what type of line? Let’s face it, a deadline is a deadline, and we should all understand that. But let’s flip the question into a role to shift perspectives. Your child needs to clean their room (really needs to – you know!) it’s a disaster. They had friends over, games, toys, clothes, etc.: A field of debris. You, as the parent, give the order to clean the room by six o’clock. Six comes, goes: Seven comes, goes. You investigate, only to find your little darling sitting in the corner doodling (not cleaning……and no intention of cleaning exists……nothing has been cleaned). The deadline has already been lost. The question now is….. will you allow more time? Or will the importance of the deadline take precedence, and demand that you take responsive action (draw some sort of line). Now we can start meandering our way back to the point. When someone asks for more time, chances are the deadline will go unmet anyway. We are only then left with, “how do I respond?” To make matters more complicated…..we serve an important role, and our response will likely have many repercussions. Viewing the missed deadline from parent to child skews the whole picture don’t it? If this was a coworker, your response would be different: wouldn’t it? If you were a teacher, the student response would be different: wouldn’t it? If it was you that had missed the deadline it would be different: wouldn’t it? The only question I have left at this point is…….Why? The world expects, runs upon, and even demands deadlines. And, not only that they exist; but rather they be met, beat, and tracked like the doomsday clock. Children don’t get that – they are missing the concept of ‘deadline’. Workers however, are demanded to strive to meet, or beat the standard; with pay raises, recognition, and promotions to be put on the line. If you are one who supervises others, how do you respond to a person who ‘needs more time?’ The boss is mad. The order is behind. The world is waiting! Will the extra time needed spell the end of this person’s career? Will a demotion come because they are missing it? They didn’t deliver…..is this the time to draw the hard line of ‘it’s over?’ Will you label them non dependable, incompetent, or no good? Honestly ….. I can’t say. Every person, place, situation, and topic are unique; and likely involve a different perspective, solution, or remedy. My personal response to the question was, “if it doesn’t jeopardize the integrity of what we are doing, we haven’t run out of time, and there is anything within reason that I can do for them – I’ll do it.” I walked away with the sense that my reviewers found me to be ‘soft, lenient, undisciplined’ and I began to re-track the miles that I have traveled in life. There was a time when I was among the hardest folks around. Nothing about life mattered much to me, so I established what was important and what was not. Cutting nobody else any slack (especially not myself) I expected everything….and then some more! Early wasn’t good enough, perfect wasn’t exact enough; it could always have been done better. If you couldn’t hack it, my responses would be: just get outta here, just quit, just leave, get out of the way I’ll do it, or do the world a favor and jump out the window! I drew hard lines. Now as the new man that I have become, I cannot seem to do that. Mainly, because I ask questions back…….such as: “What if a little more time was all that they needed? What if one person believed in them? What if there is something major going on that I don’t know about? What if I could be the one that makes or breaks their life?” Life is not about deadlines, and in my opinion, one assignment, task, or deal having to be put off: Not delivered at the precise time: Will not create, sustain, or improve each person’s life. Am I saying let’s toss the deadlines, and all have loose standards? Absolutely not. But I would like to pose a question: Why does it work for your child, but not for the coworker? The relationship factor: you cannot mistreat that child because it hurts. The mistreatment hurts you, them, and most of all the relationship. The connection runs too deep to respond harshly. But the coworker…..they are just a dime a dozen……right? A man once told me, “pain is pain, no matter what.” Heartbreak, defeat, and battered relationships don’t make life easier, or better, for Anyone. A healthy relationship, loving atmosphere, freedom to live openly and not be continually put down helps. Does this mean that the lines all get crossed out? No. Does it mean we stop making deadlines? No. Does it mean we have to accept everything that comes along? No. What it means to me is this: All have fallen short. I have, you have: All means ALL! And, all have been given multiple chances. All have worth, value, and should be loved. We all have missed it at some point. When hard lines are drawn, closed mindedness and hard hearts are normally close-by. I am no stranger to these: I have lived a trying life. I can recall people, places, and times where people drew hard lines with me. I met stiff rejection. I was never good enough. Forced to learn matters of life “the hard way” has taught me a great deal. Among the many wonderful lessons, some of the best included: How to hate, to have performance based love, strife, to be bitter, to cause pain, and that I was not good enough. We all draw lines. When we are picking up the pencil, we need to remember that we are separating, or establishing partitions. Before we commit to another line can we do the following: Ask is it worth it? Ask how this will affect our relationships. Ask what the lesson is. And ask if the line will make anything better. A lifetime of drawing hard lines may eventually leave you alone wondering what went wrong. How many chances should one be given? How many have you had? Will you stand at your line and watch them walk away? Will the decision bring good or harm? Will hearts be thriving or broken? Will the line build or tear down? Do you even know the whole story?? The Message Version reads a Scripture that I would like to close with like this: “Never walk away from someone who deserves help: your hand is God’s hand for that person.” – Proverbs 3:27 We have enough separation, let us now come together, and build life Jesus’ way…together.
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AuthorsThoughts and ideas inspired by the Holy Spirit, delivered to you courtesy of Chris or Michelle Cooper. We hope you enjoy our posts and would love to hear your feedback! Archives
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